Thought Bubbles

And maybe a text could say more than a selfie

on
August 16, 2019

“If you’re always trying to be normal, you wil never know how amazing you can be!” – Maya Angelou

Exactly three years ago, I started a blog on Instagram, not knowing what this page would mean to me one day. What it means to me today. I didn’t start an Instagram profile because I had an intention what I wanted to reach with it. Rather, because everyone had it and it was the one app for people who were interessted in photography. Like me.

I don’t follow a lot of big accounts because “I want to be like them”, because they are “so beautiful”, because their “rich lifestyle” or because they are “role models”. I have never been a fan of those Influencers and I never had a role model who was in the public eye. My role model was the girl in that one holiday camp who had the same heart defect like me and who was smiling all the time. She was a role model to me, because it wasn’t about her beauty on the outside, but rather on the inside. Because she stood up for herself and proved that she is comfident and couragous even if her body was marked from her heart surgeries and all the little battles, I know so well. That age, I was eleven years old and I told myself that one day, I would be as strong as she was that time. Nowadays, my role models are still those people, who show their stories behind the curtains. Who speak up for the ones, who don’t have the courage to stand up for themselves. I admire women an men who treat each other equally, because race, gender, skin colour, diagnosis or religion doesn’t matter. Just love does. What you see on the outside, rarely reflects what is hidden on the inside. And how often does those big Influencer and celebraties show how they feel, when the lights are turne off, the doors are closed and they are all alone with their thoughts?

In today’s society it’s rather unusual and not “normal” to talk about feelings, or couragous, because not a lot of people does. And when no one talks about their thoughts, their feelings and problems, people and especially young people, may believe that they are wrong the way they are and that they are left alone with their problems in a world where people espect to hear “I am fine, thanks” as a response to “How are you?”.

At the age of eleven, that one girl taught me that I am not alone with dis disease or with my doubts. Years later, I wanted to spread what I learned, and that’s why I started my Instagram account Fragments_of_living.

Writing has always been a way for me to express my feelings. They say “a picture says more than 1000 words could do”, but what if words could be the key to feelings, that you haven’t let out for so long? What if you choose words with whom you can paint pictured because they sound so colorful, so intense. And what if you told the same story with different words? Would it change the effect this story had on your readers? Maybe. After so many years, I wrote down my feelings while I hoped, it might help someone else to feel like there was someone who understood them, in a way not a lot of people could. Writing about living with a chronic illness was something to help myself grow and to build courage. And to see, that those texts did not only help me but also others, gave me courage to keep this page up. I hoped to help some other people who also felt alone in their situation and to make them feel better. Not knowing yet, how big the community around chronic illness is all around the world. It was huge and I am thankful that I found my place on the Internet wherer I wanted to be.

Today, I am writing this story to explain why I started this blog. My Instagram account became more than a page to share photos. For me it’s a purpose. It might sound weird, but spreading awareness on chronic illness and congentital heart defect and encouraging people is what I always wanted to do. Since I am a small child, I wanted to help others but I never really knew in which way And maybe that’s why I am going to become a dotor nowadays. I started this journey on Instagram, but nowadays, it’s a platform where the number od followers and interactions shows how relevant you are, where it’s more about that you have to have professional looking photos and in best case a beautiful looking life, full of “lifegoals”, a model body type, a luxery lifestyle to post the most interessting photos and it’s enough to have the caption “Good morning, lovelies”. (And yes, I am so happy that there are finally movements like Bodypositivity)

Moreover, I do believe that a lot of people use Instagram to entertain themselves. Because, sitting in the bus on the way to work would be too boring if you are spending just twenty minutes with your own thoughts. Or it’s so boring to wait in the line at the counter in your local store. And of cause it’s easier to get entertained by a cat in a video or the latest fashion trends, because who wants to read someone elses problems? But I also believe, that if we are sourrounded by this yet so perfect world, we often forget about the truth. It’s easier to live in a fictional worlds, and to not confront yourself with your own struggles of the day. But how often did you stare at those pictures and said quietly “I wished I could be like her?” and were sad because of “that lifestyle”?

I started this blog with a blank page, with dozen of thoughts I want to talk about and million of thoughts, doupts and fears whether it’s a good idea. And maybe this blog will be one in a million, but if I could inspire one person out there to not give up, than everything will be worth it. We all start somewhere and however my Instagram might be filled with a lot of coulorful pictures, I start here with a blank page. I might not have a lot of followers in comparison to other people, even if this number is so much more than I ever thought of, I don’t wan’t to count my value in the number of followers or likes. And I do want to tell more than Instagrams 2200 letters. I might not have a cute pet to put my camera on, but stories to tell. Because dots and letters and words might have a bigger meaning, than that 100th picture on Instagram. Because it’s easier to fake a smile for a selfie than to open my soul in the formm of a text. And that’s what I always wanted to do.

Even if I might say some negative things about Instagram, I will keep my page up. Here, I don’t want to critzise Instagram and their concept in general, I just want to share, why I realized that I have a passion for long texts and that Instagram is a fast moving app. And I don’t want to be fast just to fit in. I am not saying that I am any better, because I also scroll a lot through my feed. Because without my community, I wouldn’t have started my blog or experienced so many amazing things. Because everything started there and I still love to give you inside looks into my life. I consume very carefully and follow just other Instagrammers who just have a positive effect on my personal development. Last but not least, but if I have the opportunity to interest someone to read again longer texts and to get inspired, than just watching photos, I take that chance. I guess that the content I want to present has a better home, right here on my blog.

Thanks for reading and welcome to Fragments of living.

Yours,

Sabrina

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Sabrina
Münster, DE

My name is Sabrina and I am living with half a heart. Living with chronic illness can be challenging. That's why I share my experiences, my learnings and moments full of real emotions, love and vulnerability. In this way, I want to encourage other people with and without chronic illness to live a life they love. I am a student, a blogger and public speaker.