The thoughts run though my head and I try to put any of these into order. To find words that describe what I feel. Words, that don’t want to get out of my mouth. And so I delete every new sentense, right after I started it, because these words, this juxaposition of letters doen’t express what I wanted to say. And that’s why I am sitting in front of this blank document and I am afraid that this text won’t be good enough. Because I am lost of words to intelligibly put the thoughts that I feel in silence on paper. I am afraid, the text won’t be as good, as I want it to be. Or as other people want it to be. Maybe the text isn’t good enough in general. Or I am just not good enough.
Just do it! I write, whatever I feel and wear whatever I feel comfortable in. But in so many things that we do, we not think about ourselves, but about the others. And mostly, above all we think: do the others like this? In moments, like when we look in the mirror and swallow our opinion because we want to please the others. When we only write our texts and our art in silence and only dance when the curtains are drawn. We can not look into the heads of other people. And yet we ask ourselves, whether we live up to the expectations of these people. And when are we good enough?
Expectations from the outside
Since we are small children, they teach us how to behave. And I am not talking aboutt education, but about believe principels and believe systems and expectations that are imparted to us with the goal to become someone special. External circumstances can put tremendous pressure on us – at school, at university, at work, at family, at sports … The list could go on almost endlessly. The demands are increasing and linearly we have to constantly perform more and better and that’s what scares us. It is the fear of not living up to expectations, failing. Because we’ve been taught that areas where you can compare numbers are an indicator of how good you are, how special, how smart. And that’s grades and money, the square footage of your apartment and the brand on the sign of your clothes. And today it’s also the number of followers on the social media pages.
So we get up and fight or hide. Sometimes it seems easier to swallow your pride and just go through this phase. We think we just have to go through this difficult time, just let it pass, then everything will be back on track. Sometimes we fight and work hard to get as close to the desired ideal as possible. Sometimes we fight back loudly. And sometimes this pressure from outside causes us to pull the ripcord, push the emergency button, stop, get off and start over.
The pressure that others exert on us either makes us feel as if we are in the victim role, because after all, we are judged and we can not do much about it ourselves, or it encourages us to realize that we have the opportunity ourselves to decide how we handle the situation.
Expectations of ourselves
When we stress ourselves, put pressure on ourselves, and the demands we have on ourselves make us sick, we can not just run away and just not survive this phase. That goes deeper. And those expectations are motivated by fear. The fear not to be good enough. Maybe because of the fear of not being loved, showing weakness or admitting to yourself that something is too much. Maybe also because of the fear that others might have a bad judgment on us. We are loved for so much more than this one task, this one project, this one role that we try to fulfill. At the same time we forget that it does not define us. Showing weakness and standing to ourselves is one of the bravest things. Because sometimes saying no requires to a lot of energy and courage. In doing so, we forget that every time we don’t say things freely and agree to tasks and projects that we can not really accomplish, we say no to our inner true self and to our intuition. And when others allow themselves to judge about you and what is not construed as constructive criticism, but only judges and sentenced you on the basis of superficial reasoning, it is much more a statement about the other person than about yourself.
We all have our own individual reason why we have such high expectations of ourselves. We forgot to take breaks, to take a deep breath and to take care of ourselves. Fear keeps us from being ourselves or being courageous. She restricts us. And so we should try to get rid of this fear and focus on what we really want.
Sometimes we have claims on ourselves and project them onto others until we believe that others have exactly those expectations for us. We talk about what others might think about us, a thought-provoking spin of “what if scenarios” and we do not realize that we are only scared of not being good enough. Because the recognition of others is more important to us than the voice in our hearts that tells us that we are already on the right path.
For whom should we be good enough? For ourselves, because nobody should have the right to judge our own value. And to evaluate, judge and categorize. We have to realize that we should only be good enough for ourselves. Because we are already good enough. For so long already.
Settling your own standards
We all came into this world as individuals, so no one can have the same expectations on us as on someone else because we are equipped with totally different skills. The standards of our performance should be measured by the standards that our own personality creates. And that is exactly what we should use to orient our own expectations. We do not have to be exactly like the others, because that would be boring. Everything that we need has already been given to us and this is what we should promote to a degree that makes us feel good. We should achieve our goals and turn our dreams into reality, rather than the dreams and goals of others. I do not have to write the same grades as the others or have the same travel destinations. I have to be happy with myself at the end of the day. I have to ask myself, what am I satisfied with, without looking left or right. What do I have to do to be happy and to be proud of myself?
We can transform fear and expectations into positive energy that motivates us to grow beyond ourselves. And if that helps you, that’s great! But if that does not help you: We grow especially when we exit our comfort zone. Sometimes tasks scare us and it is important that we take these steps. It is just as important to fall down as it is important to celebrate success. And it’s important never to give up.
Expectations can show us what we can achieve. But they should never give us the feeling that we should identify with ourselves solely about our tasks and roles, or that our value should depend on the opinions and successes of others.
Because I am already for so long good enough.
I do not need to be afraid that my texts are not good enough, just because they are not exactly like other blog posts by larger bloggers. It is enough for me to stand by my text and art and for me they are good enough. Without fear of being able to please others. Because that’s what it’s all about: I have my individual writing style and that’s absolutly fine. Not everyone has to like my texts because not everyone can like everything.
I have been writing this text for a while already and now I am slowly coming to an end so. My list for the blog topics is still long and I know now that I can just go ahead and write if I want, without any deadline pressure or the pressure to write the perfect text. Because sometimes I just want to write down a few thought bubbles and sometimes real life gets in the way outside of the internet. My fears exist, and so do yours. But inside we know that everything is good, just as it is. Just like this text. Just like you. You are enough. So do it! Do what you want and not what the others are for. Because you do not have to, but you are allowed to. Because you are beautiful. You’re wonderful.